The opening story of the Book of Mormon describes Lehi’s family in Jerusalem. Upon the Lord’s command, Lehi makes an abrupt exit from Jerusalem with his family. They travel for three days into the desert when Lehi is prompted to send his sons back into Jerusalem to collect the Brass Plates containing their sacred scriptures in order to preserve their religion as they wandered into a new land.

When Lehi asks his sons to take the trek back into the desert, his oldest two sons rebel. Nephi on the other hand quotes what has become one of the most famous Mormon verses in all of scripture:

“And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.”

Faulconer wonders how and why this teaching differs from another less famous one in D&C 124:49 here:

 “Verily, verily, I say unto you, that when I give a commandment to any of the sons of men to do a work unto my name, and those sons of men go with all their might and with all they have to perform that work, and cease not their diligence, and their enemies come upon them and hinder them from performing that work, behold, it behooveth me to require that work no more at the hands of those sons of men, but to accept of their offerings.”

The Doctrine and Covenants is a book of scripture written primarily by Joseph Smith describing the revelations he received while trying to build the church. Those early Mormons suffered a great deal of persecutions, afflictions and setbacks as they tried not only to establish a new religion but to build up Zion. The experiences of Lehi echo in many ways the experiences of Joseph Smith. It must have been difficult for those early Saints to suffer setback after setback. It must have been a relief to get these words, that despite their failures, their attempts were accepted by God.

At the surface and without context, these scriptures seem to contradict. Perhaps, though, like most things, they require context and shouldn’t be considered to be universally applicable.

For me, I feel at times inspired to do certain things. Whether that inspiration is from God or from another source is not always easy to tell. So, that’s problem number one. I believe I have a commandment from God to me specifically to do something difficult. And if in my effort to try, I might fail because maybe, it turns out, I misunderstood what God wanted me to do? That’s one possible problem.

The second for me, is the idea that God will only accept my failure if I really tried to succeed with “all of my might”. I almost never feel this way. I nearly always feel like there was at least a little more I could have done, especially when I come up short on a goal I’ve set for myself.

This reminds me a bit of my school experience. A person is given a deadline, you either accomplish your goal by the deadline or you don’t. Either way, you’re given a grade and you move on. Sometimes my offering to the teacher has been acceptable and sometimes it hasn’t been. There are times when this applies to the real world as well. The real world wants results, the effort it takes to get there is irrelevant. But there are countless examples of those who have tried to accomplish something difficult, only to set up a path for others to succeed.

History provides countless examples of this. Visiting Martin’s Cove last summer, it was an interesting time to get more exposure to the Willie and Martin handcart tragedy during the church’s emigrant period into Salt Lake City. It was a catastrophic tragedy, a disaster. One could call it a failure. At the visitor’s center, the guide reminded me that though it may have been a failure, the lessons learned and the faith exhibited were lessons that added to the legacy of the early church, and through their efforts of sacrifice and courage, helping in that failure, to make the church what it has become today.

But this can all be tough stuff. We are all so imperfect, half blind, trying our best, but mostly failing day after day. I think through whatever successes and through the my many failures all I can do is hope my efforts are acceptable because, in fact, they are. God’s grace is already in place before I even tried. And His grace is sufficient.

I’ve read the Book of Mormon many times, starting my study in vigor when I went on a two year mission. I read it before my mission and I was given Mormonism by my parents. It’s my religion, a big part of my identity, and it’s my primary guide in my life. I love my religion, I love it’s sacred scripture.

Recently, I discovered this book, The Book of Mormon Made Harder“, written by a Mormon theologian and philosopher. The book has no answers, only questions. I’m going to write my answers to selected questions as I make my through this remarkable book.

My first post follows:

1 Nephi 2: 16: “And it came to pass that I Nephi, being exceedingly young, nevertheless large in stature and also having great desires to know the mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers.”

In a recent general conference session, President Uchtdorf when addressing those who have struggled with doubt or a lack of faith gave this counsel:

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters—my dear friends—please, first doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.⁸ We must never allow doubt to hold us prisoner and keep us from the divine love, peace, and gifts that come through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

We’ve often seen doubt vilified, for example, the “doubting” Thomas of the New Testament, who refused to believe that Jesus had indeed risen again until he could see for himself. Here is Jesus’ response:

John 20:29 Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.

Not that Thomas wasn’t blessed for having this remarkable experience, but the implication is clear. Those who can believe without having to see are even more blessed.

Another example is with Peter who in the midst of a storm walked on water toward Jesus, but as he did so, he feared and began to sink. As Jesus lifted him up, he gently rebuked:

31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?

Faith is the first principle of the gospel and doubt, it seems here, is the opposite of faith. But what does it mean to have faith? What does it mean to doubt?

I think doubt is a natural part of the experience here on earth. I believe if we don’t experience doubt we’re not really trying enough in our lives. The question isn’t whether or not we will doubt, it’s what we will do with our doubts and our questions.

Gina Colvin hosts a really great podcast and she came up with this great idea called “Got a Sermon” where various people record and submit their own sermons for her to publish on her podcast. Recently, Jay Griffith gave this really touching sermon on revelation. Toward the end of it he says this:

I’ve always loved to question, to learn and to explore, to try new things. This has only increased with age. This year has been particularly rich in learning and relationships. I’ve been invigorated by digging even deeper into the history of our church as we’ve been counseled to do. Not being afraid to doubt, but doubting my doubts first.

I like that last line, not being afraid to doubt, but doubting those doubts first. But I want to parse that phrase a bit because it just seems important. What does it mean to not be afraid to doubt especially when it seems doubt is something we should strive not to do.

I’m wondering how many of us avoid the difficult parts of our lives because we’re afraid we’re not up to it. And sometimes we’re not and it’s better to just leave it alone until we’re ready. I think as members of a church, we shield ourselves from critics and skeptics because we’re afraid for our faith. Or perhaps worse, we’re afraid to dig into new knowledge because we’re afraid it may lay waste to the foundation of our most cherished beliefs. Perhaps as a Mormon, we’re afraid to dig into the messiness of church history or we just can’t stomach reading someone questioning the Book of Mormon’s historicity. But perhaps we shouldn’t be afraid for our faith, but rather use our faith as a light to make our way through new ideas.

Going back to the counsel of President Uchtdorf, the most important faith is faith in Jesus Christ. There are so many ways one can experience and feel the love of God and feel the sanctification that is possible through the atonement of Christ. One may not even equate these experiences directly with Christ, but as a Christian who feels God is in all things and that the atonement is big enough and wide enough to encompass the whole earth, let’s just say for the sake of discussion, that faith in Christ is the same as having faith in goodness and beauty and truth and in our own connection to all of that.

And so, these experiences of goodness, these feelings that we all can experience, that we are loved, that we belong, that as children of God, we can do the hard things we feel called to do, this enables our faith in our selves, in God, in others, in institutions. But as we push into new areas, as we stumble, as we encounter complexity, difficulty, contradiction, paradox, our faith falters. As we run into the consequences of our own mistakes or the mistakes of others. As we feel the abuse of an institution run by flawed individuals, we may shrink and let these experiences destroy our faith. We may encounter feelings of sadness, anxiety, self-doubt, darkness. But perhaps, going back to Jay Griffith’s quote, we shouldn’t be afraid of our doubts, but we should always doubt our doubts. Perhaps this means that the faith we do have should act as the foundation as we work our way into the darkness to gather more light, more understanding.

In a very real sense, we’re all just children, stumbling through life. There’s much, much more that we don’t know than what we do know. But it’s our duty, while we are still breathing, to learn a little bit more, to grow a little more more. And I think doubt is a natural consequence of this.